26

My mother held her first born daughter for the first time when she was 26
At 26 my oldest sister Saritas gave birth to my only niece

I met my twin sister Nabelas 26 years ago, she seen life in the grave before me.

Inna lillahi wa inna aliyhi rajioon (to him we belong and to him we return)

May Allah grant mercy on the souls of those no longer in this Dunya with us, may we be reunited with them in the Akirah, in the highest of jannah

Ameen

I am afraid that just because

Len Tow Meyah Cham, I know how to speak Cham
Kyom Cheyah Khmer , I know how to speak Khmer

Peudo hablar Español, I know how to soak Spanish
I speak in several tongues,
but I'll still have validate my ethnic identity to people

If sitting in the sky, 18 hours ever becomes a possibility, inshallah
I’m afraid it may not be a possibility I can hug my grandfather and father in the same physical space and time

If I ask the elders,

Bin hue mae men nieh, hue houi gkeh

I'm not translating that for you, because you cannot handle the heaviness of the response

I am 26 tomorrow, the women in my family birthed living and breathing beings
a continuum of matriarch

I carry at the pit of my stomach: unfathomable testimonies of Khmer Rouge survivors

Cham Diaspora dating back to the 13th century,
Revived images of being 8 years old and held at gun point in the same neighborhood I still live in for my brand new-used bike

I come from the troquita on bishop my first means of employment.

I will be 26, birthing lived experiences into academic journals and oral histories.

I will be 26, believe me when I tell you Surely after hardship will comes ease.

The amount of love & nourishment these spaces provide me with

The Cambodian Family
Common Ground Open Mic
¡DuendeI Long Beach Youth Poetry Team Brave New Voices Poetry Slam
Sunday Jump Open Mic
Tuesday Night Cafe

Definitive Soap Box Open Mic A Country Called Syria \

I ask myself how am I so deserving.
Y'all created a safe haven for me to exist in your womb.
Birthed me into a world of poems, microphones, in a room of once upon a time strangers.
You watched me grow.
Taught me to trust my own words.
And to give the best of love.